Friday, June 4, 2010

Time Machine "Glee"

I didn't hate high school - in fact, I thoroughly enjoyed most of it. I had good friends, a super-duper crush on an unavailable and much-more-popular-than-me guy, and semi-good hair (except for one disastrous haircut in 11th grade, referenced below). But there are a few moments I wish I'd handled with some more flair.

Which brings me to "Glee." I really, really love this show, along with about 99% of America. I think it's because a huge part of me wishes there was a time machine that would catapult me back to high school and enable me to re-live pivotal moments. And when I did re-live those moments, I would approach them with either Sue Sylvester or Rachel Berry in mind.

Cases in point:

Super-duper crush (or SDC) isn't as into me as I'm into him.

Real Amanda circa 1998: Pines from afar. Never reveals true feelings to SDC, but writes lots of Fiona Apple-esque songs and terrible poetry equating her love for him to a dagger tattoo. Yep. A dagger. Tattoo.

Time Machine Amanda as Rachel Berry: Would sing an elaborately staged version of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" at SDC. Seriously at him. As in, standing right in front of him, looking ticked off and longing, all at the same time.

Mean Girl of the Century (you know who you are) makes fun of me in front of entire class.

Real Amanda circa 1994: Loses all ability to fire back a really good comeback. Just stands open-mouthed, fists clenched, and lets MGotC continue to behave like Paris Hilton.

Time Machine Amanda as Sye Sylvester: Would get close enough to MGotC to hug her, and then whisper in her ear "I am about to vomit down your back."

I really like to sing - really love it - but am embarrassed to sing anything other than Point of Grace-type songs (in church, with sister and mother) for fear of mockery.

Real Amanda circa 1996: Finally works up courage to sing a Jewel song for contemporary music class, despite having just received an awful Celine Dion mullet haircut. Looks uncomfortable for entire song, although does manage to glance a little bit too much at SDC while singing "you were meant for me...and I was meant for yoooooou..."

Time Machine Amanda as Rachel Berry and Sue Sylvester: Would walk up to SDC and say "You sunk my battleship, _________. You sunk it hard." Would then grab SDC's hand and force him to duet with me on "Don't Stop Believing." Magical band would materialize behind us, along with professional dancers. Also, I would have gorgeous flowing locks reaching my butt, which I would swish sexily and confidently while I belted out "living just to FIND EMOTION!"

Yeah. A time machine. It could happen. We have the iPad now, after all. Time travel can't be that far away. And when it happens - I'm so, so prepared.


Anonymous said...

I can't wait to experience "time travel" Amanda. I'm right there with ya.


annie said...

Oh man. This post was hilarious! I wish I could go back and "Glee-ify" some moments of my own...

Dionne said...

Let me preface this by saying - "Don't shoot me!".

.... i don't like Glee. I am in the 1%.

But I did love high school. Very much. Just not the Glee TV show :)