To: My Favorite Mexican Restaurant

Dear Favorite Mexican Restaurant,

I visited your establishment this afternoon for lunch, and I want to make two observations. One could be perceived as a criticism, but please don't take it badly and suddenly be "out" of guacamole the next time I come in.

1. I'm completely impressed by your uber fast service. Really, I am. But when I order my chicken chimichanga and it arrives approximately 30 seconds later, it always startles me and frankly, it takes away from my chips and salsa lovin' time. I need my alone time with the chips and salsa. It's important to both of us. I'm thinking at least seven minutes in heaven.

2. I was sitting a table over from one of the most obnoxious orderers ever. He was all "Como se...dice...'plate'?" this and "me necisito el burrito" this. I think his name was Calvin. I would like to commend the waiter, Diego, on his astounding patience with Calvin. I even tried to engage him in some "can you believe that guy?" eye rolls as he walked by my table, but he didn't take the bait. Bueno, Diego. Bueno.

As always,
Your faithful customer,
Amanda

P.S. I'll be back next week.