Song I'm Digging This Week

I've been on a French music kick lately.  It makes me feel like I should wear floaty dresses and red lipstick while doing crossword puzzles in a little cafe.  Le sigh.


"Je Cherche Un Homme" - Eartha Kitt

Self Realization #11

I think I've been 20 pounds away from complete happiness my entire life.

Give or take.

Time Traveling Amanda, Pt. 1: Elementary School Years

I follow Richard Marx on Twitter.

Yes.  That Richard Marx.  Mainly because I loved him as a kid (um, hello?  "Right Here Waiting," anyone?), but also because he's dang funny, too.

On Daylight Savings day, he tweeted that he'd love to set his clock back to 1989.  I don't know why, but it made me start thinking about how cool - or horrifying - that might be.  And then, because I relate everything to how I might be able to come up with some writing project/book, etc. with whatever idea I might have, I wondered, if I did go back, knowing everything I know now, what would I specifically change about my upcoming "future"?

Trouble is, I can't just go back to one specific moment and think "Oh, I would definitely have done that one differently."  There are just too many pivotal moments in my past.  I've done one about high school before (and for the record - I haven't watched "Glee" since it got unbelievably stupid about a year ago), but that was just high school.  I was already set in a lot of my ways by that point.

So here's what I think I'm going to do.  I'm going to do a couple of posts about different periods of my life where I would (if I could) go back and fix some stuff that might make me a better/more interesting/less neurotic person today.

And listen up - I totally get the whole "our mistakes make us who we are today" stuff.  I do.  And I agree.  But this is just for fun (and maybe just for me).

Here goes.

Elementary School Years: 1986-1990

1.  First Grade, 1986: Johnny
I met my first boyfriend, Johnny, in first grade.  He may have set the tone for me when it comes to guys.  He was a great boyfriend for the whole week we were "dating."  We held hands.  He shared his Twinkie with me at lunch.  He let me wear his super cool leather jacket at recess so I could pretend to be Cyndi Lauper.  Then he introduced me to his other girlfriend, Shauna.  That was the end of Johnny. Although, I just sort of watched them walk away to the swings and went home and cried.  I didn't listen to Cyndi Lauper much after that, either.
Time traveling Amanda would keep Johnny's leather jacket and maybe punch him in his freckled little face.  And then I'd vow to not let that kind of jerk get the best of me ever again.  And then I'd go home and listen to "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" on repeat.  Well, it was 1986, so more like I would go home and listen to the song, then rewind it on my cassette player and listen again.  Then rewind it...

2.  First grade - Fifth Grade, 1986-1990: Nap times
I would have listened to my parents and gladly - joyfully - taken a nap every.  Single.  Day.  I would not complain.  I would not lay in bed just counting the minutes until I could safely get up.  I would sleep.  I would sleep hard, with no guilt.

3.  Third grade, 1988: Memorabilia
I would have never let my mom sell my "Star Wars" and "The Dark Crystal" lunchboxes at a yard sale.  Or my "Star Wars" play figurines.  I would have convinced her that yes, they would totally be worth a whole lot someday.

4.  Third grade - Fifth grade, 1988-1990: Hair
I would have said no to the perm.  Enough said.

5.  Fourth grade, 1989: Barbies
My little sister, Holly Jo, loved to play Barbies. She's three years younger than I am, and I was totally over Barbies by fourth grade. I thought they were completely babyish, and every time she'd beg me to play with her, I'd refuse.  Sometimes my mom would force me to play with her, but I was pretty jerky about it.  Lots of eye rolling and trying to kill myself off (this was usually easy because Holly Jo loved to have a good death in our Barbie sessions.  She always left behind an orphan son or bereaved husband/boyfriend) so I could go read or something.
Time traveling Amanda would play with Holly Jo every time she asked, because she loved it so much.  I would definitely be a sweeter big sister.*

6.  Fifth grade, 1990: Swimsuits
There's a picture in one of my parents' photo albums of Holly Jo and me in our swimsuits, in front of a pool.  I think we were in Oregon or something.  Holly Jo is grinning in her butterfly one-piece, her arms out, totally and completely happy. I'm sort of shrinking behind her in my orange and black swimsuit.  You can tell that the body insecurity was already starting for me.  In fact, I'm pretty sure that's the last picture of me in a swimsuit in existence.
Yes, I was a chubby kid, and I've been "chubby" -- nice word for it -- for the better part of my life.  But if I could go back, I would tell myself to relax.  I was ten, for Pete's sake.  There's no reason I should have stopped enjoying swimming or felt like I needed to hide because I thought my stomach was too poochy.  I would go back and fill up entire albums with swimsuit pictures.

7.  Fifth grade, 1990: "MMC"
Every year, "MMC" (the re-vamped Mickey Mouse Club) held auditions in Florida for the new Mouseketeers.  I was convinced I could make it if my parents would let me try out.  But I never really pushed for it.  I just watched the show every day after school, crushed on Tony Lucca, and thought "what if...?"
Time traveling Amanda would convince her parents to let her try out.  Of course, I would make it.  I would beat out annoying Britney.  And then I would have dated Justin Timberlake (we would have had a disastrous and tear-filled ending, natch).  Keri Russell and I would still be hang-out friends, and I would have had a few guest spots on "Felicity," where I would have mastered my meaningful-looks-set-to-slow-music skills. And by now, I would so be married to Tony Lucca.  You know I would.

*Holly Jo - anytime you want to play Barbies, I'm down with it.

Song I'm Digging This Week

You're the shadow in my mind...I am hollow all the time...




"Along the Wall" - Leigh Nash

Song I'm Digging This Week

Here we go again...I kinda wanna be more than friends...




"Animal" - Neon Trees

Song I'm Digging This Week

I belong with you...you belong with me...you're my sweetheart...




 "Ho Hey" - The Lumineers

September Reading Recap

1.  Island of Lost Girls by Jennifer McMahon
Jennifer McMahon seems to specialize in the type of thriller that reminds me of yellow-tinted, spooky 70's movies, and I love them.  This book starts with a kidnapping, witnessed by a troubled young woman, and spends the rest of the time on the subsequent search for the victim, which of course brings back tons of demons from the past for everyone involved.  Even though I figured out (most of) the ending about halfway through, I still thought this book was well-written.

2.  An Object of Beauty by Steve Martin
I really don't think there's anything Steve Martin can't do.  He acts, sings, plays the banjo, writes, and is a completely competent art connoisseur, to boot.  This book, which centers on the art world and the greed and dishonesty that takes over one girl's life, was so well-written.  It wasn't an enthralling story so much as that it was so real.  I didn't particularly like any of the main characters, but I don't think Martin wanted his readers to really like them.  Really good stuff.

3.  The Good Thief by Hannah Tinti
This book reminded me of everything I love about Charles Dickens, Robert Louis Stevenson, Mark Twain, and every other great storyteller who ever wrote a book.  Ren is a 12-year-old orphan who is missing a hand, and he has no idea how he lost it.  He's been living in squalid conditions at a boys' orphanage when a stranger shows up, claiming to be his long-lost brother.  They leave the orphanage together, and the adventure begins.  There were so many great twists and unique characters, and I was just thoroughly enchanted.

4.  C by Tom McCarthy
I honestly don't know how to classify this book.  Obviously, the letter "c" is a common thread (the main character's last name starts with "c," and he seems to gravitate towards other "c" words, like "cocaine"), but as to a plot, I don't think I could really find one.  I felt like it was maybe a study in what happens to a child who is given everything he wants, as far as material needs go, but is completely neglected when it comes to affection or parental concern.  Some of the language was really beautiful, and I don't doubt that McCarthy is a great writer, but the book was so depressing and meandering that I was glad to finish it.

5.  The Quickening Maze by Adam Foulds
This book looked so promising to me - based on real events, it's set at an insane asylum in England where Alfred Lord Tennyson's brother has just been committed.  John Clare, another poet, is also an inmate.  The book started with such beautiful prose (which continued - Foulds is a poet, and his writing makes that evident), and then...nothing.  Literally, nothing happened.  I was unbelievably bored for the duration of the story.  The only slightly interesting character is the head doctor's daughter, who has a completely unrequited crush on Tennyson.  Disappointing.

6.  They're Watching by Gregg Hurwitz
I thought this was a so-so thriller about a guy who suddenly realizes that Big Brother has taken over his life - bugs in his house, people videoing his every move, etc.  The problem for me is that I didn't feel like this thriller was all that thrilling.  I kind of quit caring whether or not the guy was going to make it.  Just too long and too drawn out for my taste.