that's what she said

Haaaaappy Monday!

2012-02-13T11:47:00.003-06:00

pic found here

Let's make it a good one, shall we?

Seriously.

2012-02-09T11:26:00.002-06:00

Could my kid be any cuter?

Gilbert (in repose)

January Reading Recap

2012-02-01T10:50:00.021-06:00

*I stole this idea from this lovely blog - I know I tried in the past to update with every book I read, but let's be honest - I did a crappy job of it. Maybe I'll be better at a monthly roundup. Maybe.

1. What Alice Knew: A Most Curious Tale of Henry James and Jack the Ripper by Paula Marantz Cohen
I'm a sucker for a "who was Jack the Ripper, really?" novels. I admit it. And The Turn of the Screw is on my list of to-read books for this year, so I thought the premise was intriguing. In this novel, novelist Henry James, his brother William, and his bedridden sister (who is also in a maybe-lesbian relationship with her caregiver - kind of weird allusion to that) Alice team up to solve the Jack the Ripper murders in London. They do...maybe. The ending, as with almost all JtR mysteries, is ambiguous. This was a pleasant read, but I wasn't overwhelmed. I thought Cohen could have fleshed the characters out more, and I thought the ending was hurried.

2. Thanks for the Memories by Cecelia Ahern
This was just a really cute story, with some serious subject matter underneath. An architect named Justin donates some blood (although he is terrified of needles), and his blood ends up going to a woman named Joyce who has suffered a terrible accident and a heartrending loss. After receiving his blood, she discovers she has most of Justin's memories and, impressively, his architectural knowledge. Of course, as with all romantic stories - they are destined for each other. This is the first book I've read by Ahern, and I enjoyed it enough to read some of her other works.

3. The Distant Hours by Kate Morton
Oh, I loved, loved, loved this. The story begins with a woman receiving a letter - 50 years too late. I don't want to give away any more of the plot because it's just that enchanting. I have loved all of Morton's books (especially The Forgotten Garden), and I think she's quickly becoming one of my favorite authors. This book was so magically sad and haunting that I almost didn't want to finish it. I just wanted to live inside the story with the mysterious Blythe sisters and their crumbling castle for a little while longer.

4. Persuasion by Jane Austen
I'm ashamed to admit that I'd never read this gem. I think this novel has been the easiest Austen offering I've ever breezed through, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Aside from Anne, the rest of the Elliot family is probably the most odious since Mr. and Mrs. Elton from "Emma," and I found myself loving to hate them (especially Mary).

5. Fly Away Home by Jennifer Weiner
I enjoyed this book, in that it was a quick, easy read. I still think that Weiner's "Good in Bed" and "Best Friends Forever" are her best offerings, but I did find it interesting that she chose to write this book from the viewpoint of a middle-aged woman, rather than her normal young protagonists. For some reason, all of her books make me hungry. She is all about mentioning everything what every character consumes - usually fancy cheeses. Her books should appeal to all foodies.

6. One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp
Ok. I have a lot to say about this book, and I'm probably going to step on some toes, because everyone else I know adores this book. I wanted to adore it, too. I really, really did. In fact, for the first two chapters, I did. But then I started getting a headache.

First things first.

Things I liked about this book:

1. I like the premise - that gratitude is essential to a Christian life, and that when we become aware of how much we have to be thankful for, our perspective on day-to-day mundane and stressful activities shifts.

2. Voskamp is a poet. Some of the sentences are beautifully crafted.

Things I did not like about this book:

1. Voskamp is a poet. But this book isn't supposed to be poetry. I started getting annoyed by the flowery prose and started yearning for her to just. Say. It. I get it. The moon is beautiful. "Eucharisteo" (repeated about a jillion times) is great. But do you ever speak in a normal vernacular? Ever?

2. She seems to hate the words "the" and "my." Seriously: "He's already hunched over keyboard..." "dishes in sink," "I am bell," "I hold the bowl in hand..."

3. She leaves "ly" off of almost every adverb: gentle, not gently; careful, not carefully

4. There's a weird sentence structure: "water warm," "plate of cheese grated"

Yes, yes, yes. You're a poet. But it's still bad grammar.

5. She hyphenates everything. Everything. God-glory, God-Man, Word-God, Love-Body

6. She can't just tell us the names of anyone in her family. Once again, weird hyphenations: Farmer Husband, Boy-Man, Tall-Girl, Little-One...She also speaks about and to them in some weird poetic voice. Her son is "the child I ripened with, bore down and birthed from the heart..." Ew. I found myself saying "Really? You actually asked your kid 'can I help you find the laughter again?' after he threw a piece of toast in his brother's face instead of asking him 'Hey, how about you don't throw toast in your brother's face?'"

7. Lastly, the final chapter was horrifying. Horrifying. This is an actual sentence: "I fly to Paris and discover how to make love to God." I'm sorry. Please do not compare the love we feel for God to the joy of sex. She does. Repeatedly. Graphically. I got the heebie jeebies.

All in all, I felt like this book was just some self-important drivel from someone who thinks that God's plan is for everyone to bear six children (she refers to her globe-trotting cool aunt merely as "childless"), live on a farm, and have time to contemplate how gorgeous sunlight hitting suds "in sink" is. Navel gazing at its worst, and I sort of finished the book wanting to force her to watch "The Office" or something so she could speak like an actual human.

Song I'm Digging This Week

2012-01-31T07:00:00.000-06:00

...Chase that sunset till we're blind, then wake up to find we are only human, after all...

"Human After All" - Michael Logen feat. Sierra Noble

*sorry for the weird "Switched at Birth" YouTube video stuff...it's the only one I could find

Beauty

2012-01-30T09:35:00.006-06:00

picture found here

The weather in Alabama this winter has been decidedly weird. As in, freezing in the morning and at night and then spring-like warmth throughout the day. Flowers are all confused and trying to bloom, and I'm trying to keep myself from getting spring fever waaaay too early.

After my weekly glorious Sunday afternoon nap yesterday, I sat down on the couch with Gilbert and looked outside to see the most gorgeous late afternoon sunlight spreading out over the yard - you know, the kind that no picture could do justice to - and decided that I couldn't stay inside anymore.

So I grabbed my Kindle and headed across the street to Starbucks, ordered a salted caramel mocha (the best coffee they've ever offered there), and took my sweater-clad self out to the tables outside to sit and read. Unfortunately, there were two little girls sharing the space with me (no idea where their parents were) who were intent on squealing and ruining my contemplative mood, but I had my iPod, so I popped my earbuds in and listened to this soundtrack while I read.

I had a hard time keeping my mind on my book. I kept looking up to see swallows playing in the tree next to me, happy couples leaving hand-in-hand with to-go coffee cups, dried leaves skittering across the concrete...

As Leonardo DiCaprio says to Kate Winslet in "Titanic," I've always been more of an "indoor girl," but sometimes - sometimes - the beauty of all of God's creation floors me, and even I want to just bask in it.

Song I'm Digging This Week

2011-12-13T22:11:00.001-06:00

Because it's the Christmas season:

"It Came Upon a Midnight Clear" - Sara Groves

Adorkable

2011-12-12T10:48:00.002-06:00

I am completely obsessed with Zooey Deschanel's new show "The New Girl." Who isn't? I'm pretty sure every girl in America has a little nerdy girl-crush on Zooey, and we all would love to look like her.

I look absolutely nothing like Zooey, but I'm taking the plunge this weekend and getting this haircut:

Yikes! I know. There's a whole bunch of bangs going on here, but I'm going to be brave and try it out. My hair isn't as long as hers yet, but I figure that since it's past my shoulders, it should be ok.

We'll see. Now I just have to find those cute glasses that she wears on the show, master "Eye of the Tiger" on handbells, and I can pretend I'm as cute and quirky as Jess Day.

...Hello?

2011-12-08T14:41:00.004-06:00

Ok. So it's been so long since I've posted anything at all that I'm pretty sure that it's quite possible that absolutely no one will read this post.

But I'm back! I'm starting on my New Year's resolutions early, and one of them is to update this blog waaaay more often. As in, you know - more than once a year. Seriously, my goal is to post at least four to five times a week. Even if nobody reads it, it's good for me to keep flexing my writing muscles.

Some pretty big changes have occurred since I was last here:

1. I am 1.6 pounds away from having lost 50 pounds since June! Yes. It's a big, big deal for me.

2. For the first time, I've met my 52 books in a year goal! I'll be posting a reading recap post before New Year's.

3. I'm going to be an aunt! My amazing little sister, Holly Jo, and her husband, Alex, are expecting a baby in June. I'm super psyched.

I'm really excited about this Christmas and everything coming up in 2012. It's going to be good, friends.

It's going to be good.

Uninspired

2011-09-07T07:00:00.002-05:00

picture found here

I know I haven’t posted anything of any substance in a really long time. I’ve done some random posts about music, design, Alan the Horrid Guitar Student, blah blah blah, but nothing more.

The reason?

I simply can’t think of anything to write about.

That’s just the hard truth. I’ve sat in front of my computer for several nights trying to come up with something to write about that is even slightly interesting, and…nada.

It’s not that nothing exciting is going on in my life – there is.

It’s not that anything terribly awful has occurred – it hasn’t.

I’ve just got an extreme case of writer’s block.

Agggh. I need a burst of inspiration.

Alan, Part Dos

2011-08-29T10:33:00.003-05:00

Me, during an "Alan has no rhythm while strumming" break: So, Alan - if you had to eat just one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Alan, continuing to strum like an insane chipmunk: TACOS!

Me: Good choice! What do you like on your tacos?

Alan: (Strum) Cheese. (Strum) Beef. (Strum, Strum, Strum, Twang) And...

Me: And?

Alan: Human tears.

Yep. "Human tears." I have never, ever had a weirder student in my entire music-teaching career.

Ever.

Song I'm Digging This Week

2011-08-23T11:07:00.002-05:00

I make a wish on a star at night - the brightest star that's in the sky - only to have realized that it was just a satellite...

"Monte" - Zee Avi

Guitar Fail

2011-08-22T13:57:00.002-05:00

I had a new student start guitar this month. His name is Alan. Alan looks like the type of kid who really enjoys all things Harry Potter (not that there's anything wrong with that) and who could probably fix a busted computer in about three seconds flat.

But does he (or his parents) have common sense?

I'll let you be the judge.

Walking into his first lesson, he throws up empty hands in my direction and says "I'm so excited about guitar. But I forgot my guitar. My parents sent me, anyway."

It's going to be a long year, Alan.

Song I'm Digging This Week

2011-08-16T07:00:00.000-05:00

Gotta see things for what they are at the time...

Last week was, for want of a better phrase, not good. At all. I got some disappointing news at work which left me feeling pretty down.

But this is a new week. And I'm choosing to see things in a different light.

And this is going to be my theme song.

"Open Arms" - Gary Go

sleeping nook

2011-08-15T10:50:00.003-05:00

I wish I was curled up in this bed right now. Reading. Or napping. Or both.

spotted here

I want candy.

2011-08-11T07:00:00.008-05:00

"Sometimes I think that the one thing I love most about being an adult is the right to buy candy whenever and wherever I want." - Ryan Gosling

Song I'm Digging This Week

2011-08-09T07:00:00.000-05:00

I want to let you take hold of this sinking ship and lead me home...

I'm in a mellow, sad-ish mood today.

This fits the bill.

"I'm Not What You Need" - Joe Purdy

Proof

2011-08-08T07:37:00.002-05:00

This makes me so sad. Haven't we all felt like this at some point, about someone, and wished we had something to look at to remind us that it really, truly did happen?

Of all the Sunday School classes in all the churches, he had to walk into mine...

2011-08-03T07:00:00.003-05:00

~~I haven't liked a guy in a good, long while.~~

I haven't met a guy I've been remotely interested in for a good, long while.

I spend about 99% of my time at work, and let's face it - the pickings are slim. Most everybody is married or at least 20 years older than I am.

And then Sunday, a guy walked into the Sunday School class I was teaching, and the drought seems to have ended. I left the class today feeling optimistic and encouraged - not just because he was insanely good looking, taller than me, and not old enough to be my dad - but because he was, amazingly, normal.

He was friendly and approachable. He came up to me after the class and chatted for a while - and when I say "chatted," I really mean it. As in give and take in a conversation. As in asking me questions and seeming to be interested in my answers, not just talking about himself the entire time. I'd forgotten what that was like.

Now, I'm pretty sure this guy is too young for me. He's 24. (Although, I could go all Demi Moore on him and try to work my cougar-ish mojo on him.) And he may have forgotten my name as soon as he left the class.

But he has restored my faith.

There are guys out there, ladies.

Normal, non-married, non-mutant guys who are looking for normal, non-married, non-mutant girls.

Let's go get 'em.

Song I'm Digging This Week

2011-08-02T07:00:00.001-05:00

I'm running to Your arms, I'm running to Your arms...

This song has been bouncing around in my head all weekend. I love the mental image of just collapsing in Jesus' arms and letting everything go. He is the ultimate Comforter, and this song lifts me up every time I hear it.

"Forever Reign" - Kristian Stanfill

Whoa.

2011-08-01T07:00:00.000-05:00

Can we all just take a moment to look at the perfection of this living room (spotted here) and die a little inside from pure eye joy?

Yes. Eye joy.

Keanu Reeves and his immense talent

2011-07-27T11:38:00.002-05:00

Nick (11-year-old guitar student): "I saw the best movie of my life yesterday, Miss Amanda."

Me: "Oh? What was it?"

Nick: "'The Matrix.' I know it's super old, but it's so, so good."

I think I was like 19 when "The Matrix" was in theaters. Am I really that old? Really?

Yep. I am. This must be how my parents felt when I "discovered" The Beatles in high school.

Song I'm Digging This Week

2011-07-26T08:19:00.003-05:00

This thing between my lungs is making me so tired...

For some reason, this song makes me feel like I'm in a "Dawson's Creek" episode. You know, the one where they were all confused about life and love and were using unbelievably long monologues and huge words to explain exactly how confused they were.

What's that you say? That was every episode?

Hm.

"Stars" - Barcelona

Like a horse and carriage...

2011-07-25T08:00:00.000-05:00

I'm not getting married any time soon (nowhere near it, actually), but if/when I do - I want these for our Happy Day pictures:

spotted here

Ah, summer...

2011-07-04T22:11:00.002-05:00

Happy 4th of July!

Book #13: Unfamiliar Fishes

2011-06-16T10:49:00.002-05:00

Unfamiliar Fishes by Sarah Vowell

So I think I have finally read every Sarah Vowell book I can get my hands on. This, her newest publication, focuses on the history of how Hawaii became part of the United States.

Every time I think about Hawaii, I think about beautiful beaches, surfers, friendly women with lots of flowers, pineapples, Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwo'ole's version of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," and hammocks swaying in the breeze. The pretty side of Hawaii. The happy side.

Vowell's book speaks about the uglier side that most Americans don't want to think about - the way that we forced the Hawaiian queen to step down from her throne so we could take over, how the missionaries who brought the Hawaiian natives the gospel also brought American diseases which wiped out entire colonies, and most importantly, the fact that most native Hawaiians, to this day, resent being referred to as "Americans."

I was born in 1980, so I've always thought of Hawaii as being part of the U.S., but it hasn't been that way for very long - just since 1959. My mom was 9 years old, and my dad was 12. Dad said he remembers receiving new textbooks with updated maps of the United States when he was in 8th grade. Fascinating.

Song I'm Digging This Week

2011-06-14T06:53:00.005-05:00

It is good to come together, in our friendship to remember all the reasons hope is in our hearts...

I turned 31 on Monday. While my 30th birthday felt significant (and really weird), this year's birthday was just fun. I took the day off work and spent the morning drinking coffee, reading, and watching tv. For dinner, I met my parents, sister and brother-in-law, and Kam and Ashleigh for some seafood (and a completely entertaining waiter). Every gift I received was totally unexpected and given with such great thought. I felt so loved and special.

Sara Groves has an uncanny knack for capturing a moment and an emotion, and this song captures Monday night for me.

31 is going to be a blast. I can already tell.

"Joy Is In Our Hearts" - Sara Groves

Book #12: The Graveyard Book

2011-05-26T08:00:00.001-05:00

The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman

My mom bought this book for me after reading it herself, and even though it's technically a young adult book (and I usually shrink away from those books in horror - I will never, ever read a Twilight book, no matter how "Edward looks at Bella!"), it was so, so good.

Nobody Owens (nicknamed "Bod") literally lives in a graveyard with his ghostly adoptive parents. His actual family was killed by the mysterious Jack of All Trades when he was a toddler, and he is now under the protection of the residents of the magical graveyard. Unfortunately, Jack hasn't forgotten the kid that got away, and he's still looking for him.

It's spooky, and frankly, a little too spooky for kids, in my opinion. But it's so well written and the plot moves along at a never-boring pace. I can't wait to read some more of Gaiman's work.

My Prison Tats

2011-05-25T08:00:00.002-05:00

I've written about this a few times, but I have two tattoos.

This one:

(not as faded as the sunlight hitting it makes it look)

and this one:

(no matter what angle I shoot from, my wrist always manages to look ginormous)

Most people are surprised that I had the guts to go under the needle twice, but let me tell you - back in the day (as in the winter of 2004), I was totally rebellious, my friends. I even had a nose ring. This did not go down too well with my mom (strangely, my minister father was totally cool with it).

I got my treble clef for my 25th birthday, and my wrist tattoo for my 30th.

I like them. My best friend, Ashleigh, doesn't. And that's totally ok with me because hey, we are two different people (even if most of the time we respond to the name "Mandashleigh"). I know tattoos aren't for everybody.

Which is why I could kick for myself for the way I responded to the horrified question of "Is that a tattoo on your wrist?!" from a forty-ish, blazered dad of one of my church kids on Sunday.

"Um...yes. It is."

Blank stare at me. So I stare blankly back.

"And...'Write.'? What does it mean?"

"It's...you know, a reminder to myself...to be creative. Because...I like to write." So, so lame. I mean, yes, that's the reason I got it, but I feel like writing is a part of my identity and this tattoo is supposed to be indicative of that passion. Just like the treble clef on my toe. Inexplicably, this man is making me so uncomfortable that I'm fighting the urge to shove my wrist in my armpit, a la Mary Catherine Gallagher, just to get him to quit gawking at me. It isn't helping that his 12-year-old daughter is listening intently to our conversation.

"Hm," he says. That's it. "Hm." And in just that little non-word reply, judgment came raining down on me. I felt myself get red and I said "You know. I got it in my younger, wilder years." We both fake laughed and I moved on.

Ok. First thing - younger, wilder years? Try last July.

Secondly - why in the world did this dad make me feel guilty about something I really don't feel guilty about? Why did I feel the need to all but apologize to this guy who has never ever before spoken to me until yesterday?

I have no idea. Well, I have a little idea, but I don't like the conclusion it brings me to. I'm trying so hard to not be "That Amanda."

So I have two tattoos. Yep. Two. And I didn't get either of them when I was drunk, 18, in prison, or trying to impress a guy. And guess what, Judgey Judgersons?

I like them.

Song I'm Digging This Week

2011-05-24T08:00:00.000-05:00

"Although my dream was overdue, your love made it well worth waiting for someone like you..."

Everybody needs a little Dean Martin sometimes, don't you think?

"Everybody Loves Somebody" - Dean Martin

Another One Bites the Dust

2011-05-23T08:00:00.002-05:00

John Krasinski got married last year. I grieved. I really did. Not that I actually thought we would ever meet, but one never knows, right? I mean, I could have conceivably ended up in the same restaurant/at the same concert/at his window in black clothes and binoculars at some point, right?

Emily Blunt beat me to him. Well played, Ms. Blunt. Well played.

So now, apparently, Donald Miller also has a girlfriend.

And now my next-to-last last celebrity backup husband is taken.

I say next-to-last, since Ryan Reynolds has recently been returned to us. The dream is still alive.

Unless Sandra Bullock gets there first. Darn her and her likability!

Book #11: Take the Cannoli: Stories from the New World

2011-05-19T08:00:00.003-05:00

Take the Cannoli: Stories from the New World by Sarah Vowell

Every time I read one of Sarah Vowell's books, I am always struck by the same thought:

"Someone in a church has hurt her badly."

Take the Cannoli, her first published book, is in turns hilarious, poignant, and thought-provoking, just like her other books. She relates stories about her family, her travels, her thoughts on government and American history, books and music - all with a deadpan humor that makes me laugh out loud. But underneath it all, there's a tinge of bitterness about all things religious. Well, not really a "tinge." More like a running theme.

Vowell talks at length about being raised in a pentecostal church and how she has subsequently abandoned all things do with faith and religion, and considers herself an atheist. It just saddens me. It makes me want to go and have a cup of coffee with her and find out what that's really all about.

And also talk a lot about all three "Godfather" movies. I think she would agree with me that the third one was just a travesty.

The Flash

2011-05-18T08:00:00.000-05:00

photo found here

Do you ever have that feeling that magic is happening just out of your reach? Like you can almost touch it, you can almost see it, but just not quite?

One of my very favorite books growing up was Emily of New Moon by L.M. Montgomery (as much as I loved Anne, I always preferred Emily and I share her overuse of italics). She called this feeling - this moment you almost see around the curtain to another place - as "The Flash."

As a ten-year-old reading this book for the first time, I got goosebumps. That had happened to me! I would get The Flash when I heard certain songs or even just specific strains of music. I would get it when I read a particularly wonderful book. I would get it when saw something beautiful - a photo, a house, a person. I couldn't explain what exactly triggered the feeling, but I knew when it was happening.

I still get The Flash.

One of the most memorable flashes was when I first saw "The Holiday" (yep, the Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz gem). I went with my best friends Ashleigh and Kam, and when it was over I turned to them and said "Oh....oh!" I couldn't explain exactly why I was so moved, but I was. I then went on to see that movie eight times in the theater. I know. Yes. Eight times. Something about the movie transfixed me, made me want to be something else. Something/someone more myself. Each time I watch Kate Winslet give her speech about loneliness and yearning to Jack Black, I tear up. Still.

I remember going home after the sixth or seventh viewing of the movie and letting my dog Lucy out. I stood in the freezing January night, looking up at the crystal clear night sky and the stars and thinking "There is more out there. There is so much more out there!"

This isn't to say that I haven't always believed that there is more - I have. I believe in God and Heaven and unseen things all around me. And there is something intrinsic inside of me, and I think it's inside of everyone, that craves this connection to magic. And I think the magic is different for everyone.

I read this passage in The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis today, and of course, he says it so much more eloquently (he always does):

"There have been times when I think we do not desire heaven; but more often I find myself wondering whether, in our heart of hearts, we have ever desired anything else. You may have noticed that the books you really love are bound together by a secret thread. You know very well what is the common quality that makes you love them, though you cannot put it into words: but most of your friends do not see it at all, and often wonder why, liking this, you should also like that. Again, you have stood before some landscape, which seems to embody what you have been looking for all your life; and then turned to the friend at your side who appears to be seeing what you saw - but at the first words a gulf yawns between you, and you realize that this landscape means something totally different to him, that he is pursuing an alien vision and cares nothing for the ineffable suggestion by which you are transported. Even in your hobbies, has there not always been some secret attraction which the others are curiously ignorant of - something, not to be identified with, but always on the verge of breaking through, the smell of cut wood in the workshop or the clap-clap of water against the boat's side?"

Do any of you ever get The Flash?

Song I'm Digging This Week

2011-05-17T08:00:00.002-05:00

My dad's favorite singer/songwriter in the whole wide world is Gordon Lightfoot. In fact, we actually got backstage passes and met him at a concert in 2009. I think my dad could have died happy as we left to go home.

Eva Cassidy's version of his song is so achingly beautiful that it makes me want to get better at guitar so I could play it.

(sorry for the weird images in this YouTube video - it's the only version I could find)

"Early Morning Rain" - Eva Cassidy

Skipping spring

2011-05-16T08:00:00.000-05:00

So I've been a little bitter about how hot it is outside right now. We actually reached over 90 degrees last week, and my office at work feels like a sauna. Ever since the catastrophic tornado-induced power outages of a few weeks ago, we've all been trying to conserve energy and air conditioning is a low priority - rightly so. But I'm pretty sure Alabama has skipped spring altogether and gone straight into mid-July misery.

But this picture (spotted here) of magical coral pink hydrangeas (that's actually what they're called!) made me a feel a little bit better. I do love summer flowers.

Disaster Relief

2011-05-03T12:33:00.004-05:00

This past week, my lovely state of Alabama experienced one of the deadliest outbreaks of tornadoes in history. I was so unbelievably blessed to have been spared damage, but countless people as close as a mile away from me have been left utterly devastated. My heart is extremely heavy today, and just to have power and Internet connection while others have nothing makes me feel guilty and helpless.

We're still in dire need of volunteers to help us clean and start the rebuilding process, as well as donations of money and supplies. If you would like to help, please visit here - anything you can spare will be greatly appreciated.

I will not be posting anything else this week, but I do ask that you continue to remember our communities in prayer.

Song I'm Digging This Week

2011-04-26T08:00:00.002-05:00

"Running away won't change anything - it only puts it off.
Stand on the spot - work out where you are and take it all from there."

I've loved The Swell Season since I became obsessed with their amazing, had-me-speechless movie "Once" a few years ago.

It also impresses me that even though this duo broke up as romantic partners (still kills me! I think they were so perfect together), they were able to stay together as a band and channel all that breakup heartache into gorgeous music.

"The Verb" - The Swell Season

Um...

2011-04-25T19:07:00.003-05:00

I want this:

available here

Book #10: Permission to Speak Freely

2011-04-21T12:35:00.003-05:00

Permission to Speak Freely by Anne Jackson

I heard Anne Jackson speak about this book at the Catalyst Conference in Atlanta last year, and I was intrigued by the title and thought behind it.

This book began with one question that Jackson asked on her blog:

"What's the one thing you feel like you can't say at church?"

The response was overwhelming. Confessions started pouring in - affairs, disbelief, addictions, jealousy, resentment, bitterness, depression, anger, and a myriad of other struggles that church members felt they couldn't address in their places of worship without judgment.

Jackson is unbelievably candid in this book. She speaks frankly about her past addiction to pornography and struggles with disillusionment because of past events.

While I couldn't identify with all her confessions, I so related to her feelings of bitterness at church congregations for their treatment of her family. Just like Jackson, my father is a minister, and my family has been on the receiving end of a lot of unfair treatment due to my dad's job. Preacher's children are supposed to just turn the other cheek while some people feel comfortable saying whatever they want about their dad, mom, family, etc. It's tough. It's so, so tempting to want to just walk away from church altogether at times.

I admire Jackon's tenacity and honesty. It's refereshing, and something we could use way more of in Christian circles.

Song I'm Digging This Week

2011-04-19T08:00:00.001-05:00

Peter Pan is my favorite fairytale. My dad read the entire book to my little sister and me when we were small, and the magic stuck with me. The first sentence of the book still gives me excited goosebumps:

All children, except one, grow up.

While the movie "Finding Neverland" was oh, so sad, I loved every minute of it. And the soundtrack is a gem, too.

"Neverland (Minor Piano Variation)" - Jan A.P. Kaczmarek (from the "Finding Neverland" soundtrack)

Self Realization #8

2011-04-18T08:00:00.000-05:00

If you pronounce the number "six" as "sex" (as in "it costs about sex hundred dollars"), I am not going to like you.

Say it out loud. Trust me. It's annoying.

Church Boyfriend

2011-04-13T08:00:00.001-05:00

I haven't written about him in a long while, but there's been an unsettling development with Cute Church Guy, or as I now like to call him, my Church Boyfriend.

I decided a few months back that it just wasn't going to work out romantically between us, and I felt ok with that. We've continued to hang out - at church. We never interact outside of church, but when we are here together, we're pretty inseparable. We sit together during services. He frequently comes to my office to shoot the breeze. If a church meal is being held, we sit by each other to eat. So it's really no big surprise that most people assume that we're dating.

If I'm asked (which I frequently am), I gently correct them and say "He's a great guy, but we're just friends."

But lately (as in this past week) it's started to irk me.

It all started last Wednesday, when he showed up in my office as usual and sat down. He looked all weird and uncomfortable, and I said "What's up?"

"Um..." he stumbled, red-faced. "I'm confused, and it's really awkward to talk to you about."

Uh-oh.

"Why?"

"Well, it's about dating."

Oooook. I think,finally, he's going to address the huge white elephant that's always hanging around us.

Then he says "I've been out with this girl twice, and..."

What?! I made an effort to not look as taken aback as I felt, and just nodded while he began to talk about some girl named Lori and how he's not sure if he likes her or the idea of her/maybe it's because they work in the same profession/what do I think about the fact that she wore jeans on their date to the symphony/is it bad that she texted her friends during the intermission?

UGH. Ugh, ugh, ugh.

I gave him the dutiful friend advice, and he was all "that's just what I needed to hear, thanks!" and in the end, he'd decided that he didn't like her. Fine. Whatever.

Here's what gets me - am I really upset because I secretly, deep down, really like him and he didn't want to ask me out and asked her out instead?

Nope. And that's what makes me mad. At myself.

I'm mad because - why DIDN'T he like me? What's wrong with ME? I don't have to like HIM, but darn it - he should like ME!

I know, I know. So, so shallow. But it's just how I feel.

And the other thing is, I hate being "that girl." I am always, always that girl. I'm the girl that guys love to hang out with, call on the phone, eat dinner with, catch a movie with, ask for advice, etc., but do they want to date me? Nope. They'll ask out the vapid girl they met two days ago because she was wearing her skinny jeans really well.

So irritating. I'm so sick of being that friend.

This past Sunday, as I sat with him and his mom (I know - what?) during church, I started thinking that I might need to break up with my Church Boyfriend. It just isn't a healthy relationship. I'm not saying we can't be friends - actual friends - but I can't be his security blanket anymore.

If I were cuter, I'd say this was a classic Katherine Heigl movie scenario, wouldn't you?

Song I'm Digging This Week

2011-04-12T08:00:00.000-05:00

"That's no way to live - all tangled up like balls of string..."

I've had a depressing week so far - boy trouble mixed with job frustration. I'm in desperate need of like-minded music.

This song suits my mood perfectly. Pass the Kleenex, please.

"A Light on a Hill" - Margot and the Nuclear So & So's

I'd like to needlepoint this on a pillow...and give it to someone I don't like.

2011-04-11T08:00:00.000-05:00

She's the sort of woman who lives for others - you can always tell the others by their hunted expression.

- C.S. Lewis, from The Screwtape Letters

And we all know at least one woman like that, don't we? Of course, if I gave the pillow to the woman I'm thinking about, I'd have to substitute "You're" for "She's."

You know. To really drive my sarcasm and passive-aggressiveness home.

And she couldn't really get mad, because c'mon - it's a C.S. Lewis quote, for Pete's sake.

Right?

Book #9: The Woman in Black

2011-04-07T08:00:00.000-05:00

The Woman in Black by Susan Hill

This was one of the books that Amazon recommends after you've ordered other books in the same genre. Normally I don't pay much attention, but the title grabbed my interest. Reviewers consistently said it was a great "classic" ghost story. I love classic ghost stories. One reviewer said "if you liked the film 'The Others,' then you will love this book."

Sold. I love "The Others."

It was a really quick read - just an hour or so - but oooh, it's chill-inspiring. The main character, Arthur Kipps, is sent to a remote English town to settle the will of a reclusive woman who lived in a house practically in the middle of a marsh. At the woman's funeral, he sees an emaciated woman dressed in black sitting in the back of the church. He sees her again at the graveside service, and initially feels sorry for her, since she looks so pitiful.

That doesn't last long.

I don't want to give away the plot, but I got satisfactory shivers throughout the story. Evidently, there's a new movie version coming out this year with Daniel Radcliffe (of "Harry Potter" fame) playing Arthur Kipps. From the movie stills I found on Google, it looks pretty good. And when did Harry Potter get so British-ly handsome?

Self Realization #7

2011-04-06T08:00:00.001-05:00

I do not like hearing people swallow.

Please swallow on the other side of the room.

Thank you.

Song I'm Digging This Week

2011-04-05T08:00:00.000-05:00

"There's just a time when we must all let go of the breath that we hold..."

It stormed all afternoon yesterday. Gilbert and I snuggled in bed, listening to the rain and some Maria Taylor, and generally enjoying being melancholy.

And nobody does good melancholy like Maria Taylor.

"Xanax" - Maria Taylor

Fancy Feast

2011-04-04T12:09:00.005-05:00

I have been searching in vain for stylish food and water dishes for Gilbert, but I've had absolutely no luck. All I seem to come across are standard ceramic bowls plastered with fish skeletons. So not my style.

So I when I saw this picture here, I did a little happy dance. This idea has never occurred to me - it's so quaint and adorable! Gilbert is about to get way more refined and hoity-toity.

And just because, here's my favorite picture of Gilbert. Yep. He's a precious baby.

Book #8: The Confession

2011-03-31T14:58:00.005-05:00

The Confession by John Grisham

I hadn't read a John Grisham book in years (my fiction tastes have changed since high school), but my mom let me borrow this book over Christmas, and I'm all about free books.

It's an interesting plot - three days before convicted murderer Donte Drumm is sentenced to be executed, the actual murderer arrives at a Lutheran minister's office and confesses to the crime. He tells the minister that he has an inoperable tumor in his brain and will be dead in less than a year, so he feels he should confess.

The rest of the book is a frustrating, slow (soooo slow!) paced "race" to get the right people to listen to the right people in order to stop the execution.

I didn't enjoy this book one bit. There isn't any moment where the reader can breathe and relax a little bit - everything is tedious and tension filled. It's also such a blatant platform against the death penalty that no matter which side of the fence you may fall on with that whole thing, you begin to resent Grisham's soapbox speeches thinly disguised as plot.

And my biggest problem with this book? It has the worst ending ever. Ever. I won't ruin it for you, but I was left filled with rage by the last page.

I'm pretty sure I'd made the right decision in avoiding John Grisham novels altogether.

Love Disappointed

2011-03-30T09:44:00.001-05:00

I am not good with criticism. I never have been.

I have gotten in more trouble with friends and family about my defensive behavior than anything else (well, that and my completely transparent facial expressions - I have an insanely hard time keeping a "neutral face"). For some weird reason, I seem to perceive any kind of semi-negative opinion as some huge judgment. My hackles immediately go up and I either respond in a snappy "oh no, you DID-n't!" way or I shut up and get paranoid around the person who made the comment.

What's worse, I can literally block out the nice comments that others have made about me and zone in on the one not-so-nice one. Isn't it amazing how we always remember the negative things others have said to us rather than the kind things? I still remember the one time my seventh grade history teacher spoke harshly to me because I was talking in class. I was mortified. And if I ever run into her again, all I'll be able to think is "You yelled at me once."

Stupid, I know, but I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in this. I've tried to work on this character flaw as I've gotten older, and sometimes I succeed. And a lot of times, I completely fail.

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about Jesus as the person that He was when He was on Earth.

What was it about Him (besides the whole being God's Son come down to Earth to rescue lost mankind) that made people love Him so fiercely when He was among them and dedicate their whole lives to Him even after He had physically gone? I tend to forget that even though they were His disciples, those disciples were first and foremost His friends. They traveled together. They ate together. They talked about their lives, their fears, their concerns. Jesus listened to those fears and concerns, and He shared His own with them. I mean, sheesh - they let Him wash their feet. I'm just saying - you've got to be friends with someone to let them touch your nasty sandal-wearing-dust-ridden feet and not be totally mortified.

The thing is - they LIKED Him.

And Jesus wasn't one of those always easy-going friends, either. He wasn't afraid to call folks out on their faults. He straight-up told Peter when he was being a moron (several times), got exasperated and said so when the disciples couldn't stay awake with Him, told the woman at the well that um, nope...you've had five "husbands," and asked Martha to calm down when she went into psycho cleaning mode.

I read those portions of Scripture and think "would I have smarty pants-ed a reply back to Jesus?" I can't say for certain, but I don't think so.

I don't think so because I don't think that people back then are so different from me. And not one of His friends returned His constructive criticism with insulted rage (or at least the Bible doesn't record it that way). They actually listened to Him. They agreed with Him. They changed.

Why? I think it's because He loved them, and they knew it. They knew it deep in their bones. His reprimands didn't come from a place of bitter annoyance and comeuppance. He knew they were better than their behavior. He made his friends want to be better. They didn't want to disappoint Him, so they tried to please Him.

Of course, that's not to say that Jesus never got angry - He did. He threw some tables across a room in the temple. He even called Peter "Satan" once. If that's not anger, I don't know what is. And Peter, the King of All Hotheads, didn't blow a fuse, slamming doors on his way out. Because he knew that Jesus' anger was pure and justified, and he couldn't argue with that.

There's an Eagles song that says "Anger is just love disappointed." I think that's such a beautiful illustration of righteous indignation, and of the kind of anger that Jesus occasionally demonstrated. He showed us the right way to be angry with those we love.

I'm going to try and bottle up these thoughts in my head for the next time a well-meaning friend tries to point me towards a better version of myself.

Song I'm Digging This Week

2011-03-29T12:50:00.006-05:00

This comes from one of my all-time favorite soundtracks to one of my all-time favorite movies (and books), "Pride & Prejudice."

Mr. Darcy walking through the mist? "I love...I love...I love you"? Intense rain moments? Yes, please.

He can bewitch me any time.

"Arrival at Netherfield" - "Pride & Prejudice" soundtrack

Photo Nostalgia

2011-03-28T12:16:00.003-05:00

Something about this photo (spotted here) reminds me of the house my Grandma Iva had when I was really little. I think it's the lighting. Whatever it is, I like it.

Book #7: The House of Lost Souls

2011-03-23T13:43:00.004-05:00

The House of Lost Souls by F.G. Cottam

Ohhhh, this is my favorite kind of fiction - ghosts, romance, sinister flapper-esque settings, dark and stormy nights, and British characters.

The story reminded me a lot of another of my favorite books, The Shining - mainly because the story revolves around the fictional Fischer House, an abandoned house from the 20's (very reminiscent of The Overlook Hotel), that is just inherently evil. Anyone who encounters it either dies in a horrific accident or is left literally haunted by ghosts from their past. The main character, Paul, is the only one of the house's victims to escape with his life somewhat intact, although he is wracked with guilt and nightmares of his time there. Years later, someone in the house wants him back, and a tragedy forces him to go back to the one place he swore he would never return.

My only gripe with this book was with what I feel was a hurried ending. The story built to a fantastic climax, and Cottam had a great opportunity to really zing! the reader with a great twist, but didn't. It was satisfactory, but a little bit of a letdown.

But all in all, I really liked this. I was reading it in between piano lessons and got so lost in the story that when my next student showed up, I jumped out of my skin. And in my opinion, that's a sure sign of a good ghost story.

Sure, it's a dead language, but I agree.

2011-03-17T11:15:00.001-05:00

a mocha from Urban Standard, an adorable coffee shop in Birmingham that I went to with my friend Bridgett a few weeks ago

"Sine coffea nihil sum."

Without coffee, I am nothing.

Book #6: Hipster Christianity

2011-03-16T14:49:00.004-05:00

Hipster Christianity by Brett McCracken

This was fascinating - McCracken explores the "cool" movement that is sweeping through churches in North America (and sometimes out of it). He spent a good amount of time in research traveling to all kinds of hip churches (Mars Hill, various Greek and Latin-named structures) and interviewing emergent-ish pastors (Rob Bell, Mark Driscoll, etc.) and writers and asking them all about what place "cool" has in modern Christianity.

I have to say - part of this book made me want to be a hipster. Living in Alabama, I think it's safe to say my community and church suffer from a bit of a dearth when it comes to cool thinking. You would be hard pressed to find any skinny jeans or neat beards in our congregation. I don't want a neat beard myself, but I sometimes get an eensy bit tired of seeing only blue haired old ladies and men in suspenders who aren't wearing them in ironic appreciation. I think it would be refreshing to hear a Sufjan Stevens song in sanctuary worship.

But the last part of the book deals with the notion that we as a culture have become obsessed with cool, and Christianity doesn't cater to culture's obsessions. Christ points us towards truth and grace in a straightforward and bold way, and He isn't concerned with whether or not I'm wearing the right skinny scarf or have an appropriately indie song playing in my car when I speak to Him.

Definite food for thought.

Song I'm Digging This Week

2011-03-09T23:19:00.000-06:00

"I'm Not Who I Was" - Brandon Heath

I know this song has been out for a few years, but it's been on a pretty constant rotation in my apartment. I'm really identifying with the lyrics this week.

My apologies...

2011-03-08T11:37:00.005-06:00

...for my blog absence.

I'm sure that all eight of you who actually read this blog have been nervously wringing your hands and thinking "Where, oh where, is Amanda right now? Whyyyyyyyyyyyy?" (Please, please recognize the extreme sarcasm there.)

The truth is, I've not been doing too well in most areas of my life. I've been in a funk - a huge, what-am-I-doing-with-my-life-is-this-how-it's-always-going-to-be? funk.

I've found myself looking at fresh-faced kids and teenagers with jealousy because they have their whole lives in front of them - for the most part, none of them have made life-altering missteps and mistakes. (The real low point was when I started weeping while watching Will Smith's daughter, Willow, perform "Whip My Hair" on the Oprah show.)

I've been reminiscing about things I wish I'd done differently - high school decisions, college roads not taken, etc.

Basically - I've been having a little bit of an Amanda Pity Party - an APP, if you will.

I took off from work yesterday and did a lot of soul searching. I turned off my email. I didn't check Facebook. I sat in a chair in my living room and thought and prayed. I sat in silence. And I realized that the way I've been going about my life - regretful, bitter, panicked, and sad on the inside while most likely annoyingly upbeat on the outside - is simply not working.

Feeling bad about things that happened ten years ago does nothing to improve the here and now. Calling my best friend to complain and talk about trying to do something different with my life while actually doing absolutely nothing just makes me feel worse.

Enough. I've had enough. For the first time in a really long time, I had a long, honest conversation with God. It wasn't all pretty. There was some shouting and some tears. But there was also peace when it was over. I woke up calmer and happier than I've felt in a really long time.

I know this isn't going to be an overnight change. I have a lot of habits and integral personality traits that are going to take some time to overcome. But I have a plan. It's pretty simple. I'm just going to try. And for now, trying is huge for me.

So I hope you all bear with me. Don't worry - all my posts aren't going to become tributes to my existential crises. I'll still be plenty shallow at times, I'm sure.

But I'm tired of the fake Amanda. She isn't real. She's a product of apathy and fear. She's a movie character with no basis in reality. I have no more time for this pretend version.

I want to meet the real Amanda. I want you all to meet the real Amanda, too. She's so, so much more likable. I promise.

Self Realization #6

2011-02-23T12:40:00.003-06:00

I've quit even trying to pretend that I don't completely love "The Vampire Diaries."

Yes, it's geared towards high schoolers.

But I don't care.

Plus, I read all the books in middle school, back in the early 90's, waaaaay before the whole "Twilight" insanity.

So there.

Song I'm Digging This Week

2011-02-23T12:29:00.001-06:00

"Marrow" - St. Vincent

I love how spooky this video is. It's very "Firestarter"-ish, don't you think?

Book #5: Decision Points

2011-02-09T11:30:00.002-06:00

Decision Points by George W. Bush

I know. It is not cool to actually like or respect George W. Bush.

But I do.

I'm not saying I agree with every decision he made as President, and I'm not saying I think he's the best President in history, but I think that on the whole, America has treated him with complete disrespect. And I just genuinely like the guy. His candor in this book is totally refreshing.

It also says a lot to me that he in no way badmouths President Obama.

Take note, America. That's how we're supposed to treat our Presidents, whether we agree with them or not.

Song I'm Digging This Week

2011-02-08T14:18:00.001-06:00

"California" - Copeland

I miss the way you sing...

Stripey Sheets

2011-02-07T11:41:00.004-06:00

I need these sheets in my life:

I just do.

(spotted on West Elm)

To: My Favorite Mexican Restaurant

2011-02-05T16:06:00.003-06:00

Dear Favorite Mexican Restaurant,

I visited your establishment this afternoon for lunch, and I want to make two observations. One could be perceived as a criticism, but please don't take it badly and suddenly be "out" of guacamole the next time I come in.

1. I'm completely impressed by your uber fast service. Really, I am. But when I order my chicken chimichanga and it arrives approximately 30 seconds later, it always startles me and frankly, it takes away from my chips and salsa lovin' time. I need my alone time with the chips and salsa. It's important to both of us. I'm thinking at least seven minutes in heaven.

2. I was sitting a table over from one of the most obnoxious orderers ever. He was all "Como se...dice...'plate'?" this and "me necisito el burrito" this. I think his name was Calvin. I would like to commend the waiter, Diego, on his astounding patience with Calvin. I even tried to engage him in some "can you believe that guy?" eye rolls as he walked by my table, but he didn't take the bait. Bueno, Diego. Bueno.

As always,
Your faithful customer,
Amanda

P.S. I'll be back next week.

You cry like a girl.

2011-02-03T11:53:00.003-06:00

Yesterday, I did something I swore I'd never do.

I cried during a meeting with my supervisors.

Yep. That's me. Bucket o' Tears Amanda.

I have been dealing with a situation concerning a woman who works in my department for almost three years. Three years. This woman has disliked me (which is really putting it mildly) for the simple reason that I was chosen for my position over her daughter, who also applied for the job at the same as I did. I had never met her daughter when I accepted the position, and harbor no ill will against her, but her mother has successfully attempted to make my professional life a misery ever since.

She undermines my authority at every turn. She gossips about me. She throws tantrums during meetings. She regularly makes appointments with my supervisors to complain and lie about me.

So yesterday, once again, her name came up at our meeting. I have literally tried every approach in dealing with her that I know of - confrontation, friendliness, mediation, you name it. All to no avail. It doesn't work. As much as I hate to say this, it's just the truth - this woman is just a terrible person. And she hates me for no reason.

Suddenly, one of my supervisors turned on me during the meeting and said that we needed to address the fact that I cannot deal with this woman and that he views it very negatively on a job performance basis.

I couldn't help it. I burst into tears. He looked horrified. My other supervisor looked awkward. I was kicking myself mentally, telling myself to for the love of all that's good, STOP crying, but that just made it worse. I told them I just didn't know what to do anymore. How do you make someone not hate you? I can't force this woman to stop behaving like a three-year-old.

The rest of the meeting was just awful. I know both of my supervisors were afraid I was going to start weeping again, and I could feel the tears lurking just behind my eyes, threatening to erupt again.

I feel ridiculous.

Well. I guess this whole "transparency" thing that I've been working on is going a little too well.

The King's Speech

2011-02-02T08:35:00.001-06:00

My friend Lea Anne and I went to see "The King's Speech" last Friday, and it was just completely enchanting. I was looking up pictures of the real life King George VI (not as good looking as Colin Firth, but really - who is?) and Lionel Logue (much cuter than Geoffrey Rush - sorry, Geoffrey), when I came across this picture of the real Lionel Logue with his wife when they were first married circa 1906:

Could that be any more perfect?

I don't think so.

Song I'm Digging This Week

2011-02-01T07:29:00.002-06:00

I've loved Azure Ray since they first appeared on "Felicity" with their song "Displaced." 1/2 of Azure Ray, Maria Taylor, has also been a staple on my iPod since she went solo. I was so pumped when they reunited last year and released a new CD. This is one of my favorite tracks:

"Shouldn't Have Loved" - Azure Ray

Book #4: The Wordy Shipmates

2011-01-31T11:29:00.003-06:00

The Wordy Shipmates by Sarah Vowell

It's not often that one can say that a book written by an atheist about 17th century Puritans was spiritually inspirational, but I'm saying it about this book.

Vowell focuses her trademark deadpan humor on the Puritans who founded the Massachusetts Bay Colony in this offering, mainly centering on the Bay's founder and governor, John Winthrop (writer of "A Model of Christian Charity"). She also discusses Roger Williams (who was too religious for even the Puritans, which is pretty impressive, in my opinion), the deplorable Pequot War, and Anne Hutchinson (one of the first true religious feminists). It all completely fascinated me.

And the spiritual inspiration? I realized just how much I have to be thankful for. I know I take my religious freedom for granted. The fact that I can even blog about questions, fears, and disagreements is a beautiful thing. Anne Hutchinson tried to voice some of her opinions and ended up banished from her town and was eventually murdered by rampaging Indians for her trouble.

I was also struck by how much the Puritans got right - their work ethic, their support of each other (if you agreed with the prevailing opinion, that is), their love for Christ - as much I was horrified by what they got wrong - misreading important Bible truths, their stunning racism (horrendous treatment of Native Americans), and the scary authority the church wielded over its congregation. It made me grateful for those people who didn't let fear of the church shut them up when they knew in their hearts that the church's behavior was wrong.

More than anything, this book made me breathe a sigh of relief that I'm an American in 2011 rather than 1636.

Song I'm Digging This Week

2011-01-29T21:53:00.002-06:00

"Addicted to Love" - Florence + The Machine

Um, I'm pretty addicted to Florence + The Machine, too. And I've always liked this song in a guilty pleasure sort of way.

I love everything about this kitchen.

2011-01-26T14:52:00.001-06:00

spotted here

Unwanted Guests

2011-01-25T07:38:00.003-06:00

Last night during Akiyah's piano lesson, she got the hiccups. I suddenly leaned towards her and yelled "BOO!"

She jumped and giggled and I said "See? I scared 'em out of you!"

She paused thoughtfully and then hiccuped again. "Nope," she shook her head, "they still moved in."

I think Akiyah should write her own book.

Food for Thought

2011-01-24T08:42:00.000-06:00

I've been really convicted lately about honesty and transparency. And the guy who started me thinking about it all posted this question on his blog over the weekend:

What I'm wondering is how honest do you want people to be? If your pastor is steaming mad one night, venting to his wife about what some jerk at the church said, do you want him to tweet about it? Do you want to know? And if you don't, is it because that wouldn't be wise, or because you want to think your pastor is somebody he isn't?

It's the last question that got me. Do we censor our honest thoughts and reactions because we just want to appear holy (or at least holier than the person who just made us angry)? Are we giving people a true representation of ourselves?

I think that a filter is necessary in some situations - if we didn't restrain ourselves during critical moments, our testimonies could be ruined with one thoughtless sentence.

But sometimes, are we and the people we admire in our churches and lives practicing a fake turn-the-other-cheek mentality, a false version of who we really are, of who God made us to be? And if we are, are we doing almost as much damage to the testimony that God wants us to live out as we would by speaking out of turn?

Yep. More tension.

Song I'm Digging This Week

2011-01-22T12:12:00.001-06:00

"All the Wild Horses" - Ray LaMontagne

Loner, Loser, Complicated Wreck

2011-01-19T11:20:00.002-06:00

My sophomore year in college, one of my roommates showed up at our apartment in the wee hours of the morning, wearing the same thing she'd worn when she went out on her second date with who we'd all dubbed Cute Soccer Guy. I was making coffee in the kitchen and preparing to cram for a Music History exam, and she plopped down on the stool at our kitchen bar and asked me to pour her a cup. As I did, she sighed "I can't believe I slept with that guy!"

Whoa. Rewind. What? You did what?! I must have looked as incredulous as I felt, because she shrugged defensively and said "Sorry I'm not a prude, Amanda."

Ok. While a good part of me was pretty horrified that she'd had sex with a guy after date numero dos, another part of me (a bigger part of me than I'd like to admit) was totally and completely jealous.

I have always been a good girl. Not a saint, but a good girl. I didn't have a boyfriend in high school, just a crazy unrequited crush. I dated in college and while my roommate would probably disagree, I wasn't a prude, but I was still well-behaved. Aside from one regretful night, I didn't participate in underage drinking. This sort of behavior has continued into adulthood. I did go through a slightly rebellious period in which I pierced my nose and I have two tattoos, but for the most part - pretty non-shocking life.

I don't know why, but most of the time, if I admit it to myself, I tend to equate good with boring. I do. I can't help it. I remember having a conversation with my friend Bridgett about a friend of ours who was always in trouble, always in tumultuous relationships, always making the wrong decisions, etc., and after we felt we'd done our due diligence in tut-tutting about this friend, I looked at Bridgett and admitted "Oh my gosh, but wouldn't it be fun to at least have some regrets?"

As I was driving to work this morning, I heard an advertisement on a radio station asking "Are you a fun, single girl between the ages of 23 to 32?" Yep. I am, as a matter of fact. "Do you live in the New York Tri-State area?" No, but I could, couldn't I? "Do you have an exciting dating and love life?" Ugh. And I'm out. No. I don't.

But here's my question: does that make me boring? Does the fact that I'm not sleeping around and gabbing about it the next morning with my equally promiscuous friends make me a prude? Would I bore people to tears on a radio show?

I wish I could be at peace with my pretty innocent background. I know I should be thankful I don't have these past mistakes looming behind me all the time, and really, I am. Most of the time. But sometimes I feel like I missed out on some part of life. This post isn't about resolving these feelings and ending with a cliche religious admonition. This is just how I feel in my life today.

My sister sent me a Valentine's card once after I had suffered a pretty major rejection from a jerk, and she had written on the inside "Someday, Manda....someday some guy will want you only for your body." I laughed and kept the card, but seriously, that's pretty much what I want.

I'd like to come in late at night, collapse onto a couch, and say out loud to no one in particular "I can't believe I made out with that guy on our second date."

Sigh. Even my imagination is tame.

Book #3: The Partly Cloudy Patriot

2011-01-18T11:40:00.003-06:00

The Partly Cloudy Patriot by Sarah Vowell

I read Assassination Vacation a few years ago, and loved it. Vowell's morbid sense of humor speaks to me. And really, who isn't fascinated by historical assassinations? What? Not many people? Just me? Never mind, then.

I enjoyed this series of politically-themed essays as well, although I was a tad put off by her sarcastic vitriol aimed at all things Republican. However, this book was written in December of 2001, in the wake of 9/11, so I think some opinions were slightly cloudy, no pun intended.

I think Sarah Vowell is basically Jon Stewart in female form. With a squeakier personality.

Book #2: unChristian

2011-01-17T11:15:00.003-06:00

unChristian by David Kinnaman & Gabe Lyons

This book was hard to read on two levels:

1. It's by the Barna Group, so there are a lot of statistical tables and charts to get through. Lots of scientific researchy language, too, so it's not something you can breeze through. I found myself reading paragraphs once or twice to make sure I understood what I was reading. A few times I found myself making grocery lists in my head or wondering if I should make a hair appointment while I was reading.

2. It's true. And it's unflattering. Some Christians have managed to make a pretty bad name for ourselves in today's culture. Just ask Ann Rice. I'm ashamed to say that I identified with and resemble some of the less-than-stellar accusations leveled at Christians by non-Christians.

I mentioned this in a post from last week, but the main point I took away from this book is that to be a Christian means to live in constant tension with the world. Reaching others in a non-pious and judgmental way is a juggling act on all levels. It's hard knowing what is too far and what isn't far enough, but it's something that we have to accept as our way of life when we decide to follow Christ.

But it's worth it in the end. And that's what I want my life to convey.

Icy pavement, callous men

2011-01-13T08:55:00.010-06:00

I took this picture of my car (the Beetle on the right) from inside my apartment on Monday morning. Sorry about the screen, but it was too freezing to venture outside. Especially when I don't have any boots.

This week North Alabama experienced what my friend Jason is calling Snowpocalypse 2011. I woke up Monday morning to around nine inches of snow outside my apartment.

Alabama is not used to snow. Any snow. Especially not nine inches. Our town has been virtually incapacitated. My place of work was officially closed on Monday and Tuesday, and even though our offices are "open" today, almost everyone has taken a vacation day rather than deal with the still icy roads. Kids haven't been to school since Friday.

The allure of the snow is starting to wear off for most people. We're ready for the thaw.

My parents are from Michigan, and they are still, after 22 years of living in the South, amazed by the milk and bread hysteria that accompanies each snowflake. When I began driving, my dad instructed me on how to drive in ice and snow. No braking! Steer into the slide if it starts! Be calm.

So by yesterday, I was completely sick of the food I had in my apartment. I wanted something hot and not made by me. So I ventured out. To Chili's.

It was a little slushy, but not too bad. However, when I got out of my car at Chili's, I realized that in order to actually get in the door, I had to pick my way across an enormous icy patch. I was wearing sneakers, but my traction wasn't that great. And I am the Queen of the Fall. I spent most of my high school career as a Giant Bruise.

I felt like an 85-year-old gymnast trying to balance beam across that ice. Halfway across, a man came out the door and headed my way. I thought "Wow! This guy is going to take my hand and help me out. Thank you, Mr. Stranger."

But he just looked at me (sort of disdainfully, I might add), passed right by my flailing body in his snow boots, and hopped in his huge four-wheel-drive truck.

What? Ok. I am all for being an independent woman, but what happened to chivalry, guys? I still think that guys should open doors for women, pull out their chair, call my mom Mrs. Alana if they don't know her really well, and hold my hand to help me across patches of ice so I don't get a contusion on my tookis. This man obviously doesn't agree with me.

I made it into Chili's and told them they should sprinkle some salt on the ice outside so they won't have to deal with lawsuits from people with less balance. Next time, I'm bringing skis.

Common Grace

2011-01-12T13:18:00.003-06:00

"God cares not only about redeeming souls but also about restoring His creation. He calls us to be agents not only of His saving grace but also of His common grace. Our job is not only to build up the church but also to build a society to the glory of God. As agents of God's common grace, we are called to help sustain and renew His creation, to uphold the created institutions of family and society, to pursue science and scholarship, to create works of art and beauty, and to heal and help those suffering from the results of the Fall."

- from How Now Shall We Live? by Charles Colson and Nancy Pearcey

Tension

2011-01-11T14:27:00.004-06:00

Ok. So I'm going to try and be really, really honest with this post today. Not that I'm a blog liar, but I do feel like I hold back a little bit when I'm writing, because I'm afraid that certain people who might read my blog and actually know me in real life (all four of you) might be offended if I lay all my cards on the table. And I don't think that's a bad thing. I read some blogs and think "Yikes! They're going to regret putting that down in the near future." After all, our blogs are not our diaries, though some people treat them like they are. Some things should be saved in our heads and hearts and not uttered.

But I've been thinking about this all week. A while ago, I'm not sure when, Donald Miller wrote a post that was a bit inflammatory for some folks. He talked about how the church can sometimes stifle creativity. My first thought when I read his post was "Easy there, Don." Criticizing the church does not win fans. But then I read it again. And I think I agree with him.

The thing is, the church isn't bad and we shouldn't go out to intentionally offend fellow church members in the name of creativity. There are some people who do that. I can't stand that kind of behavior - the whole "I think I'm going to cuss in a song because I'm a radical Christian" (Derek Webb - I'm speaking to you) or "I can't call myself a Christian, because that is so 2000 and late. I have to find another title." That stuff irritates me to no end. It's navel gazing and it's annoying.

I'm talking about the fact that we hesitate to be real people because we're afraid of criticism from our church. We don't speak honestly about anything. We don't talk or write about sex and alcohol because good Christians aren't supposed to struggle with those things. We pretend we don't know all the words to that Lady Gaga song on the radio because she was scantily clad in the video, and that surely means we're a step away from hell. We don't admit that we're unhappy in our secure jobs, and we certainly don't pursue that other career that we daydream about while we're at our secure jobs.

I'm reading a book right now that speaks of the fact that being a Christian means living in constant tension. There's always going to be a struggle between being in the world, but not of the world. How transparent can we be without being stumbling blocks? If we're not transparent enough, that can be a stumbling block, too.

I've been having a lot of conversations with my best friend about this gnawing feeling that we both have that we just want more. Of what? I don't know. God. Life. Honesty. Love. Creativity. Knowledge. Something. We're both 30, and dealing with frustration because we feel we're meant for more. To quote Switchfoot, "we were made to live for so much more," and I'm feeling that this year more than ever.

I don't think God wants me to use my faith as an excuse for not being what He wants me to be. Could I make some church enemies by being creatively honest? Maybe. Probably. But should it stop me? Does it make me selfish to try? That's the question. That's the struggle. That's the tension.

Viva Las Elvis

2011-01-08T12:07:00.005-06:00

Today is Elvis's birthday.

About five years ago, Ashleigh and I spontaneously decided to take the day off from our jobs and drive to Memphis to visit Elvis's famous house, Graceland. Neither Ashleigh or I were especially obsessed with Elvis, but we decided that Graceland is something that everybody should visit once.

By the time we left the 70's-tastic mansion, we were both a little bit enamored with Elvis. Ok, maybe a lot. I mean, check out that picture, folks. Elvis was H-O-T. I even bought a magnet of the picture above to put on my fridge. And even if his style of music isn't your cup of tea, the man was immensely talented, and it's such a shame that his life was cut so short.

I think I'll be tuning my Sirius radio to the all Elvis station today in tribute. I might even do a little hip shaking. Who knows?

40 Before 40

2011-01-05T14:02:00.007-06:00

I read a lot of blogs. I read blogs about fashion, families, interior design, and even one about everything to do with the color turquoise. When it comes to blogs about writing, however, my two favorite ones are Jon Acuff's and Donald Miller's (I still think that we are destined to be together. Not in a "Fatal Attraction" way, but in an every Meg Ryan comedy from the 90's type way).

Unfortunately, both of these blogs have given me slightly different advice for the new year. Jon Acuff blogged about he and his wife creating a "40 Before 40" list of everything they wanted to do before they turned 40. They even helped their kids come up with "10 Before 10" lists. Ultra cute. I thought it was a great idea, so I came up with my own.

I was all set to share my list when I read Donald Miller's post this week about how sharing your resolutions with others might be a bad idea, since you could lose some of the motivation in achieving the goals yourself.

Conundrum. Do I share my 40 Before 40 list? Or do I keep it to myself for years, like the fact that I sort of still believed in Santa Claus until I was 12 and my dad had to literally tell me the truth?

So here's my compromise:

I'm going to share some of my list. Some goals and resolutions I think are good to share, because the encouragement you receive from friends and family can keep you on track. However, some of my goals are seriously personal - stuff that was hard to even put down on paper, because admitting that I need/want them is admitting that I might not get them. And I do not do well with failure.

When I wrote this list, I wrote everything down fast, not censoring myself as I listed things that popped into my head. This is how I like to write, anyway - I think if you're too careful, you end up sounding like a bad Martha Stewart impression. So, please note that this list is in no way indicative of the level of importance I give to these goals. It's just how they came out of my head.

So here goes:

1. Publish a book the successful way.

7. Pay off all debt.

9. Get a dog.

10. Find one sport that I'm good at. Just one. Even if it's only ping pong.

13. Spend more time studying Scripture, and read the Bible all the way through in a year. Also spend more time in prayer and stillness.

14. Learn French.

15. Have super long, Victoria's Secret-esque hair - just once.

16. Visit my friend Maiken in Denmark.

17. Live overseas for at least a few months.

18. Kiss someone who is not from America or who has sexy tattoos or a sexy beard. Or all three.

19. Wear skinny jeans and rock them.

20. Figure out how to successfully wear a scarf so as to not look like I think I live in NYC and not Alabama.

21. Meet Donald Miller as a fellow writer and not a crazed fan. (If we end up making out, even better.)

22. Have one really flattering picture taken of myself.

23. Spend two weeks in Ireland, Paris, and Italy.

24. Be less selfish with my time, and give some of it to others without conditions or expectations.

25. Spend more quality time with my sister.

26. Spend Christmas/New Year's in London with Kam and Ashleigh.

27. Become a bicycle riding person, complete with a cute bike basket.

28. Go an entire month without eating out.

29. Wear shorts. In public.

30. Have in-depth conversations with my parents and get to know them not just as my parents, but as friends.

31. Perfect the smoky eye look.

32. Make a non store-bought cake, a la Julia Childs.

34. Buy furniture I love.

35. Own a Dyson vacuum.

36. Buy a house.

39. Give family and friends amazing, expensive gifts, because I can.

40. Finally accomplish my goal of reading 52+ books in a year.

So there it is. Well, most of it. The few things I left out are goals that, maybe once I've accomplished them, I can share. But for now...I'm keeping them close to the vest.

Do you have a 40 Before 40? Or a 30 before 30? I'd love to hear some of your list, too!

Book #1: The Tower, the Zoo, and the Tortoise

2011-01-05T00:40:00.006-06:00

The Tower, the Zoo, and the Tortoise by Julia Stuart

So I didn't quite make my 52 book goal for 2010. I made it to 36. But it's a new year, and I'm determined to meet (maybe exceed) that goal this year.

My sister Holly Jo and I went to London for the first time in 2007, and we visited the Tower of London and took the Beefeater's Tour. We both agreed that it was one of our favorite London moments. We were fascinated by the stories about the different prisoners, daring escapes, tragic executions, and overall haunted atmosphere.

This book tells the story of the Beefeaters (or Yeoman) and staff members who guard and live in the Tower of London full-time. To say that this book is charming is an understatement. Stuart's characters whisked me into their quaint and quirky world.

There's Balthazar and Hebe Jones, who are reeling from the sudden loss of their 12-year-old son, and who also own the world's oldest tortoise, Mrs. Cook.

There's Valerie Jennings, the pleasantly plump employee of the London Underground's Lost and Found Department, who falls head over heels for a tattooed ticketmaster named Arthur Catnip.

There's Reverend Septimus Drew, who while secretly pining for the barista of the Tower's pub, Ruby Dore, also moonlights as an author of erotic novels "with strong morals, which allows readers to 'fill in the chinks.'"

And lots more.

While I was reading the book, I could literally see the different towers and buildings in my mind's eye. In fact, in this book, Reverend Septimus Drew lives in the tower-house with the blue door. Holly Jo took a picture of that door while we were there, and I have it in a frame in my bedroom right now.

I dare say this book made me wish that I lived in the Tower of London. With a turtle. Yep.

Happy New Year!

2011-01-03T07:50:00.002-06:00

I can't believe that Christmas and New Year's are already over. The thought of having to get back to "normal" this week is both depressing and exciting at the same time. I'm psyched to see friends from work that I haven't seen in nearly two weeks, but I'm so not looking forward to the stress that comes along with my job.

I did come up with a few New Year's resolutions, but my biggest one is that I just want to be more active - physically, mentally, emotionally - all of it. I'll be 31 this year (gasp!), and I want to experience every minute of this year, not sleep through it.

For the most part, I loved 2010. I want to make 2011 the best year yet.

Wbo knows? Anything can happen...

Song I'm Digging This Week

2010-12-29T10:31:00.001-06:00

"Crazy Ever After" - The Rescues

Kindle Lovin'

2010-12-27T22:57:00.002-06:00

My parents got me a Kindle for Christmas, and I'm pretty psyched. I really do love actual books, and I'll still buy and read them, but man - I love knowing that I'm always less than a minute away from being able to download pretty much any book I want to read.

My idea is that if I read a book on my Kindle that I just absolutely love, I will then buy that book in the hard copy form and add it to my bookshelf.

Almost every classic is either free or less than a dollar, which is awesome.

The other plus? It keeps me from skipping to the end of the book to find out what happens. I know. I'm so, so bad about that.

Book #36: The Eyre Affair

2010-12-27T22:45:00.003-06:00

The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde

I love it when I discover a brand new series (well, brand new to me, anyway) that I can get all obsessed with. I think this is going to be one.

Thursday Next, the heroine of the book, is a SpecOps LiteraTech agent in an alternative London in 1985, where time travel is possible and literature is able to literally come to life. Next discovers that her arch-nemesis, Acheron Hades, has kidnapped Jane Eyre, and if he succeeds with his plans, he'll disastrously change the book forever. The only solution, of course, is to enter the book herself and stop the villain.

I can't wait to read the next book, since Miss Havisham from Great Expectations makes an appearance.

Book #35: Full Dark, No Stars

2010-12-25T19:54:00.002-06:00

Full Dark, No Stars by Stephen King

Another gem from my favorite author - all "short" (not that short - sort of novellas) stories, each one of them pretty bleak and sinister. But oh, so good.

Nobody can suck you into an atmosphere and plot like King can.

Book #34: Mini Shopaholic

2010-12-25T11:13:00.002-06:00

Mini Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella

I literally can't believe I'm saying this, but I did not like this book. I have loved every single Shopaholic book, but this one was. So. Tedious.

Nothing new - Becky once again is shopping like crazy (in "secret"), and lying to her friends and family in order to achieve some desired outcome. Blah, blah, blah. I just found myself getting frustrated and annoyed, especially now that they've thrown a kid into the mix (who is spoiled rotten).

There were a few entertaining moments, but on the whole, I was really disappointed. I'm not saying I won't read any more of the series, but I do hope Kinsella does a better job on her next Shopaholic venture.

Book #33: The Fall

2010-12-25T11:05:00.002-06:00

The Fall by Guillermo Del Toro & Chuck Hogan

This is the second book in The Strain trilogy, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. While the first book dealt with the vampire virus slowly taking over New York City, this book fleshes out the fast spread and takeover of the entire United States.

I won't be surprised when they announce the movie release of these books, since they read like blockbuster films already.

Book #32: The Last Time I Was Me

2010-12-25T10:56:00.004-06:00

The Last Time I Was Me by Cathy Lamb

I liked this story - a successful career-woman suffers a humiliating public breakdown of epic proportions and then runs to a small town in Oregon to recover (and attend anger management classes). She then meets and falls in love with the man running for governor of the state. Yep. Very likely. But an entertaining story.

My biggest gripe with this book is the sarcasm and quick-fire wit of the main character. While at first it was entertaining, it quickly became campy and unbelievable. Her sarcastic comebacks make her almost unlikable and you find yourself sympathizing with the enemy. Also, everything works out just too well and cleanly for everyone involved. Real life never works like that.

Song I'm Digging This Week

2010-11-15T14:16:00.001-06:00

"Light My Fire" by Hans Zimmer ("The Holiday" Soundtrack)

Self Realization #5

2010-11-11T11:54:00.002-06:00

I like to use parentheses. (A lot.)

Christmas Slay

2010-11-10T10:51:00.004-06:00

I was discussing Thanksgiving fun with one of my students, Akiyah, on Monday afternoon. She's seven.

I asked her what her favorite food was at Thanksgiving, and she said "I like the turkey." I told her to guess what my favorite Thanksgiving food is* and she said "...Chicken salad?"

Hm. Nooooo...

Then we started talking about the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, and I said "You know, the Santa Claus at the end of the parade? Well, he's the real Santa Claus!"

She looked completely astonished. "What?" she sputtered.

I nodded. "Yep. My parents told me that it's really his only public appearance during the year." (They really did tell me this.)

For some reason, she just looked horrified. "You mean...it's the real Santa?"

This was not the reaction I had expected, and I said "Yeah, the real Santa."

She drew in a long, shaky breath and said "So...he doesn't spray pepper spray in everyone's eyes?"

...What?

"Pepper spray?" I asked.

She nodded solemnly. "Yes. My daddy told me that if I try to stay up to see Santa on Christmas Eve, and he catches me, he'll spray pepper spray in my eyes. That's what he does to kids who try to sneak around and see him."

Oh my Lord. I didn't know what to say to that. I just sat there for a minute and said "Well...he doesn't spray pepper spray at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade."

She whispered "Ok," but I'm pretty sure she wasn't convinced.

Well. That's one way to keep your kids in bed on Christmas Eve.

I wonder if her dad also told her that the Easter Bunny carries a machete, and the Tooth Fairy wields an AK-47...

*For the record, it's the dressing. The best part of dinner.

Big Red Bow

2010-11-09T14:30:00.003-06:00

In "Sleepless in Seattle," Meg Ryan and Rosie O'Donnell talk about how they both teared up during a refrigerator commercial ("...the big red bow!"). I've always laughed at that scene, but never identified. I've never cried at a commercial.

Until now.

How cool does the dude with the guitar look and how appropriate was their choice of song for him?

And how does that woman who's mimicking the violin during "At Last" get that high? How, Mariah Carey?

But the little girl crying at the end just gets me, and I can't help but happy cry.

It's my big red bow.

Song I'm Digging This Week

2010-11-08T11:13:00.000-06:00

"I Feel It All" - Feist

Book #31: The Book of Lost Things

2010-11-08T10:55:00.003-06:00

The Book of Lost Things by John Connolly

This is the best book I've read this year.

I know I've said that before, but this really is the best book I've read in 2010. I kept stopping while I was reading it and saying out loud "This is the best book!"

The story centers around David, a little boy living in England during World War II, whose mother has just died. He's extremely depressed, and turns to the books his mother loved for comfort. Before long, he realizes that he can literally hear the books speaking to him - calling him. Suddenly, David is catapulted into a fantasy world, battling for his life and the lives of those he loves.

I can't begin to convey the magic of this book. It so reminded me of a grown-up version of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (which is honestly my favorite story ever written). The closest I can get to categorizing it is if The Chronicles of Narnia and "Willow" got together and made a new story.

It's a dark fairy tale, to be sure - Connolly isn't afraid to kill off likeable characters, and some of the scenes are downright spooky (The Crooked Man gave me the heebie jeebies like no other evil character ever has). But oh, it's just such a lovely, lovely story.

This may sound silly, but when I reached the end of the book, I actually teared up. It was just so perfect that it made me cry.

This book definitely goes on my favorites shelf - it's the kind of book I hope to pass down to my children and grandchildren.

Book #30: Death in Holy Orders

2010-11-08T10:49:00.003-06:00

Death in Holy Orders by P.D. James

When I was in high school, I devoured Agatha Christie books. My favorite was And Then There Were None - it's such a classic (and classy) British mystery.

P.D. James reminds me of a slightly - I say slightly, because the lady turned 90 this year - more modern Agatha Christie. There aren't any huge thrills in this story, and the culprit was fairly easy to figure out, but it was satisfying. I'll be reading some more James soon.

Half Life

2010-11-03T11:19:00.003-05:00

I have a coworker, E., who is simultaneously one of the most talented and negative people I've ever met. She's an amazingly accomplished musician - she can quite literally play any piece of music set before her. But she is never. Ever. Happy.

She's unbelievably critical and judgmental. She is always the voice of dissension in every conversation or creative situation. She expects things to go spectacularly wrong. She searches for mistakes and faults in others. Being around her zaps you of positive energy.

And of course, because of this, she has no friends (aside from her poor, beleaguered and timid husband).

Yesterday during our weekly staff meeting, she was particularly vicious and I left feeling extremely frustrated. Because she can quite literally make work life miserable if you antagonize her, no one ever stands up to her or calls her on her behavior. I fumed all the way back to my office and then sat at my desk for at least an hour, mentally telling her off. You know - saying all the things I would have said, if I wasn't such a huge sheep about confrontation.

Then I started thinking about her life - does she truly enjoy anything besides making people angry? I don't think so. Here are some things that struck me:

1) I don't believe she has ever been to a movie. Ever.
2) As far as I know, she has never read a book solely for enjoyment - never a novel, even a classic. She only reads the Bible, self-improvement, and devotional books.
3) She never watches TV, unless it's an educational program.
4) She only ever listens to classical or sacred music. Even Dean Martin is too "secular" for her.
5) Her children dislike her. She rarely sees her grandchild.

Suddenly, my anger began to ebb, and I just started to feel sorry for her. What kind of life is that? How unbelievably boring her day-to-day existence must be. Of course she gets enjoyment out of torturing others - it's the only interesting thing she has going on.

I can't imagine living a life with absolutely no creativity. I'm so thankful that my parents instilled a love of imagination in me, and didn't dampen my personality with constant criticism.

Sadly, I can't see E. changing this aspect of her personality any time soon. And that makes me extremely sad.

Book #29: Everyday Absurdities

2010-11-03T11:12:00.002-05:00

Everyday Absurdities by Tyler Stanton

This video pretty much sums the humor of this book up. It's basically random vignettes of pet peeves, mostly all of which I completely identify and agree with.

Song I'm Digging This Week

2010-11-01T11:55:00.001-05:00

"Here We Go" by Joshua Radin

Sorry this is a long intro - it's the only usable video of this song that I could find. But doesn't he remind you of Dermot Mulroney (from "My Best Friend's Wedding")?

Song I'm Digging This Week

2010-10-29T13:06:00.000-05:00

"The Absence of Your Company" by Kim Richey

Self Realization #4

2010-10-28T13:00:00.002-05:00

I really don't like Marie Osmond. At all.